I cannot find my penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
