Me too!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
