I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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