I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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