Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
