nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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