The best revenge is premature balding
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
