He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
