you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
