i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
