all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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