I am in a vortex of obligation.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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