grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
