you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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