I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
