she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
