when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
