plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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