I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
