If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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