I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
