the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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