I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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