it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
