Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
