overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
