She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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