guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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