Heybabeimwearingurpanties
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
