im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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