he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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