I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
