Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
