It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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