Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
