Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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