Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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