I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
