Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
