What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
