my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
