i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
