I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
