So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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