How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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