hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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