Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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