weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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