So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
