I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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