I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
